Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Weigh-in Monday

Weighing in yesterday, I was really discouraged. When the scale read 347.2, i was really really discouraged.

Then I realized that my starting weight was 354.0, and not 344.0. So instead of gaining 3.2 lbs, I lost 6.8.

So yeah, that was kind of awesome. I know that part of it was water weight from my period, but I'm very happy that I got the scale to move down.

Now to continue the trend.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

MFP... Why did I wait so long?

In order to get back on track and break past the weightgain plateau I hit, I decided to go back to basic basics.

When I first started this journey, I was required to complete six months of education and nutrition classes. As part of the process, a nutritionist put everyone on a meal plan with daily calories to help with presurgical weightloss. My calorie total to stay under in October 2012 was 2000, and before surgery, I lost 40lbs from walking and following this plan.

Monday, I decided to start tracking my calories again. I exercise a lot, but I've been gaining weight. When I went to get out my trusty pen and pad, I couldn't find one.  Enter My Fitness Pal.

MFP told me that to lose 1lb per week, that I needed to eat less than 2460 calories. I thought I would die, because that surely couldn't be right. That number is way too high.

I lowered my number to 2000 to start, and I've done pretty good this week. I love that it tracks my exercise, also. I went over a little a few days, but not by much and not every day. I indulged last night in two slices of pizza, which ate up almost 800 calories of my day, but I accounted for it. If I bite it, I write it...er, enter it into the app, that is. It's been a struggle this week with my Aunt Flow visiting, so next week should be easier.

My favorite part that keeps me motivated the most is at the end of the day when you finish everything, it tells you, "If every day was like today, you will weigh _____ in five weeks".

I weighed myself last Monday morning to see where I was starting. You can see the starting weight listed on my ticker... 354. I am disappointed in myself for back sliding the way I have, but I'm going to work hard to be better. I plan to weigh every Monday for accountability.

My goal I'd like to meet is to lose 20 lbs by September. It will be difficult because once baseball season starts, my gym visits will be less frequent due to living in the city and the lack of parking. I just need to motivate myself to do more walking and elliptical.

So I'm starting over. It isn't the first time. I'm sure it won't be the last. The only thing that matters is that I keep trying.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

3year anniversary

Three years ago today, my mom passed away.

Two years ago next week, I had my lap band surgery.

One year ago, I was struggling with a weight loss plateau.

Today, I'm still plateaued, but I went to the gym and had my ass kicked by one of the personal trainers who taught a cardio toning class instead of zumba. I got a hug from a gust of wind that slammed my car door shut, and reminded me that my mom is always with me. I had a milkshake and onion rings for dinner, because that was one of my mom's favorite meals.

I had a pretty good day today.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Starting again

I'm starting over tomorrow, with the help of my Facebook bander group. Going to do the best I can to stick with cutting out sugar and stick with high protein.

I'm debating about doing the preop diet that I did before surgery. I hit ketosis and lost 16lbs in two weeks. I just need to do a little prep and pick up some things this week to make it work. Fresh veggies, string cheese, sf jello and sf pudding. I already have plain Greek yogurt, eggs, and plenty of protein powder on hand.

I think this can work. I hope this can work. I know this can work. I have to make it work. I'm failing my band. I'm afraid to get on the scale but I need to do that so I can see how far I've got to make up for.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Slacker is my middle name

Work has been CRAZY this past week. Like, non-stop from 7:30-5 with no breaks. I even get so busy I forget to drink water or pee. Yeah, my job is awesome.

My boss was talking the express train to Crazy-town this week... One way, no stops...All Aboard!

The only thing that I've been good with is exercise. I've done zumba 4x this week... Although yesterday was a struggle. I really just wanted to go home and go to bed... But I didn't.

Funny story-- I walked into class last night, and immediately did a double take b/c the Tuesday instructor was setting up. In my head I'm screaming "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK... It's only Tuesday?!?!?".

So I calmly say to the instructor, " hey, ______. Please tell me it's not Tuesday ". And she was like, " No, it's Thursday. ______ is out sick." And I'm like, "thank GOD, because if it was only Tuesday, I was going to cry".

So I got my sweat on last night. Then made shirataki Fettuccini Alfredo for dinner.

I'm slacking on reading because I've been so busy, but I plan to finish " a Heartbreaking Work..." this weekend. On my queue after that is 1. Outlander 2. Not That Kind Of Girl.
I love free e-books from the public library.

I'm going out to lunch with one of my girls tomorrow. Our plans were cancelled last weekend due to inclement weather, so we plan to get out drink on, and eat our weight in chips and salsa.

Happy Friday all!

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Grief comes calling...again

I started reading a book today, "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius". I've heard that this was a good book for a while, but haven't gotten around to reading it, until now.

And I think that I've made a huge mistake.

I know that this book will make me cry... Because I started tearing up three Kindle sized pages in.

So far, all I know is that this is a book about cancer. About a mom with cancer. And three pages in, it's a recounting of how it was for my mom at the end of her life. The constant spitting of noxious green bile from where the cancer had spread to her stomach, so vile that I gagged every time I had to empty the bin. The inability to move from her chair where she sat 24 hours a day. And now I'm consumed with memories. Thoughts that make me cry.

But now I have to finish it. I have to know what happens. And even though I'm highly emotional and hormonal with aunt flow slated to be here this week... Like some twisted sadistic addiction, I will continue to read this book until the end.

I have questions now. Questions about how other people deal with grief. How to deal with the pain, even though the pain isn't new. It will be three years next month since my mom passed.... But it's always hiding right there below the surface of my psyche. Grief is just waiting for a reason to rear its head and steal my breath and leave me empty.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Lust

We all have that one thing we lust over. A person. A new pair of shoes. That perfect bag. A food.

I have a mistress... And her name is butter. Sweet cream salted butter. And I'm addicted.

Is it's edible, I want to put butter on it. Its reckless, and crazy, and forbidden. Butter is terrible for you (but tastes so good).

Then I heard about something that was on DR. OZ (I didn't watch the show b/c I work), but apparently it's OK to put BUTTER in your coffee. Come again?!?!?

First of all.... EWWWW. Why would you do that? Second, maybe butter isn't so bad for you after all?

I'm confused. So I'll eat butter... in moderation, of course. And go on with life, right?