Monday, August 18, 2014

New week

So my review went AMAZING. I got some great input, a ton of new projects, and I'm happy. I'm so glad that I took a chance to spread my wings and go after something new professionally. My weight was holding me back, and I know that.  My LapBand and weightloss gave me confidence in myself to come out of my comfort zone.

I forgot to weigh Friday morning, so I don't know what I'm looking at this week but it's OK.

I was at the gym tonight, and it was great. I tried out one of my new pair of Adidas running shoes and they did awesome. I ran 10 minutes of my 20 on the treadmill. And by running I mean the loping jogwalk that I should trademark. But I'm moving and that's all that matters.

I'm so close to my first 100 lbs. I'm going to do my best to stay on track. I only have this week then two whole weeks with no gym because the Orioles are back next week. But I'm going to have my toe nail fixed next week and now my recover time won't detract from gym time.

So short term goal is to try to lose 6lbs. That's totally doable. Once I get past my 6lbs, I'll start focusing on my next long term goal of 75. I will get there.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Back to the grind

I'm back to regular life. This week has been crazy. I've done OK with food this week... Except for the donut I had for breakfast this morning.

I also got back to the gym tonight, and it was zumba and it was great to be back. I'm going to try to make myself go and do weights tomorrow... But tomorrow is Friday and I'm exhausted. But I'll do my best.

Nothing else is going on. I survived the dad visit. I get my review tomorrow.

Hope that the scale doesn't show a gain! Happy Friday.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Birthdays, periods, and stress...oh my!

So this week typically sucks. I have to deal with turning yet another year older. I have to deal with my dad and brother for my moms birthday memorial. And compounding it this week was aunt flow.

Realizing aunt flow was on the horizon, I skipped my last two bc pills last week in hopes to get her to start early. It worked and as of today, she is out of the house.

Last week my dad told me that my brother had to work this weekend and couldn't do the memorial. That relieved so much stress!

However, this week I have been tight tight tight. My band is so restrictive right now that I'm really relying on shakes to get through. Hopefully, I'll loosen up tomorrow... But I'm going to get out of dinner with my dad BC I don't know for a fact if I will be loose enough to eat.. Which would lead to alot of questions since he doesn't know about my band. He sounded so disappointed when I told him tonight that we were going to skip dinner tomorrow... But the less time I spend with his wife the better.

Today is my birthday, and as a gift to myself, I bought two pairs of running shoes for the gym (Adidas outlet buy one get one half off!). I spent almost 130 bucks but it's an investment in me. I got higher end running shoes... Both pairs were originally $120 and $100 respectively. But I know that baseball season is ending in about 7 weeks and I'm going to be going to the gym more. And I need good shoes. Right?

Small victory...I weighed yesterday morning since I took the day off today. I was at a new low of 334.4. I dropped 7.8 lbs from last Friday. That just shows I was super bloated...I felt it, too. I had gained after my last lowest weight weigh in.

Anyways, happy birthday to me. Only 6lbs from making my first 100 lb loss!

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Facts of life

I love my new job. It's been 3 months and I'm waiting for my review... Where I hope that I'm told I'm awesome and that they love me and want me to work there forever. Fingers crossed.

It has not been without challenges. I have to fire people... A lot of people. And on the flip side, I have to hire the replacements. So far, that has been the crux of my job.

I can't have work friends because I never know when I might have to fire them. Makes for a bit of a lonely existence. No lunches out with coworkers.

But I'm finally doing what I love... What I've been struggling to do professionally since I graduated from college. And that makes me happy.

I'm struggling with my weight lately. I don't walk in the morning or at lunch any more... My new office isn't really conducive to that. So I rely on the gym. And until the orioles finish their season, my exercise is at the mercy of professional baseball. September 21 cannot come soon enough.

It's also August. I hate August. Next week I have to go home for my mom's birthday. I have to see my dad and my brother and their respective wives. I have to play nice, when inside I want to scream and cry and hit things because I miss my mom and it doesn't seem that anyone else does. And I have to face my own birthday. Another year older. And did I mention that Aunt Flow will be here in time to make this trip with me next week? Sigh.

So I'm probably not in the best place emotionally right now. But I know that I have friends who understand and don't judge me that August makes me crazy. And I love you for that. Just bear with me until I get past this... Until I get back on level footing... Until I can get back in the weightloss game.

I'm still me... Just a crazy manic emotional messed up me.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Sigh

For two weeks, I've been doing really good with food and exercise. Perfect? No.... But really good.

How does my body reward me? With a two pound GAIN.

I can totally see how people get discouraged and give up on their weightloss goals. I'm not asking for immediate gratification, but throw me a fricking bone here. I would have taken a 1/2 lb loss and been happy.

My goal is to not let this bring me down. I plan to go to the gym tonight for weights. I plan to not eat out my frustration with cookies and ice cream. And next week I'll exercise as much as I can.

I have a goal and I plan to get there.

Happy Friday.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Things are... Ok

Life is pretty uneventful in my world right now.

I've lost the taste for coffee, so instead I've just been having protien shakes for breakfast this week. I'm hitting the gym when I can. I'm limiting my cookie intake to one per day... Although the ice cream monster rears its head more often... Stupid hot summer.

I get on the scale tomorrow, but honestly, this week I feel FAT. I'm not expecting the scale to move. I'll be happy with it just staying the same. I'm still optimistic that I can reach my goal of 299 by Christmas... Although I would like to actually lose it by Thanksgiving. All I can do is make the best choices I can and keep pushing forward with my exercise.

I'll see what the scale says in the morning.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Blah blah blah

Busy week last week. I can finally get back to the gym this week. I was up 1.6 lbs Friday but I'm having a period from hell so that's to be expected. I also had a migraine yesterday.

I've been missing my mom alot lately. Both her birthday and my birthday are in August, one day apart... So I think that that's it's partly maybe the passing of another year.

I made a butter pound cake last night from her recipe. It was more theraputic ...measuring, mixing by hand... Escape for my brain. The batter turns this most beautiful golden yellow color and it's so thick and smooth. But it takes time to do it properly... And then a whole hour to bake.

I tried a small piece today but I'm rocking restriction so I limited myself. It was delicious.

There are alot of physical things from my mom that I'll probably lose or misplace or break as I get older... But the appreciation for a beautiful cake batter will never be one.